Update: On April 22 I secured an apartment and stopped being such a freakin’ drama queen… about this particular topic. 

I don’t usually break from my schedule but I’m feeling ways about stuff (and I managed to hold back the sad thing I wrote after the marathon bombing) so here we go:

In theory I live in Portland now. I say in theory because I am now doing round two of Portland apartment hunting and I cannot get anyone to give me a damn home. Seriously, from what I can tell unless you follow people from property management companies around with pre-filled-out forms and a money order just in case they, at any moment, decide to list an apartment, you’re not getting a home in Portland. Now, to pre-empt the response I’ve been getting to this, no, it’s not that I’ve never apartment hunted before. I’ve done this in Boston, I’ve done this in New York city. I have secured homes in places that make Portland look like Grover’s Corners. So why the hell can’t I get a roof over my head in this effing city?

And, yes, I know, I should be an adult and be patient and whatever but here’s the what: I last lived in a home of my own on February 27th. I have been living out of a suitcase for almost two months. I have had other people around me most of the time for two months (secret that isn’t a secret at all: I’m a raging introvert. I do my recharging by being alone. It’s why I live by myself) Finally, between then and now, apart from one brief run up to Boston, there has been no sex in my life. (Yes, I somehow avoided all sex at Catalyst. Friends, please keep me from doing that in the future) I lived with my mother, then did the tour and now I live with my brother. There has just been no place for sex. I miss dating, I miss men I miss sex.

Here’s what’s going to happen: I will get an apartment, take my bed out of storage, go on a date and have sex on my bed. I will not be cock-blocked by the rental market of a city that isn’t even in possession of a real subway system.* I’ve overcome way more adversity than this, believe you me, I will overcome and then, I will have sex in Portland.

 

*j/k- Love you TriMet!

PS- Yes, I know, this is 100% a first world problem. I know there are actually people who really don’t have and are not getting homes. But as I have a sex blog (on which I very rarely talk about my own sex life) I’ve decided that I get to vent my sex life consists entirely of review toys. Speaking of, the Butterfly Bliss Silicone Waterproof Vibrator is up next!

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