Update 11/20/16: Unfortunately Scroguard seems to have died a quiet death rather than evolving.

Last year I was going to a play party and thinking about how several STIs such as HSV1 & 2 (Herpes) and HPV can be spread even when condoms are used via contact with genital areas that are not covered. I started fantasizing about having something like those amazingly gorgeous latex panties over  there (except made from nitrile if possible, because nitrile) [NOTE, years later someone actually made something along these lines!]. In my fantasy they would have a hatch built in that would allow for use with an internal condom. I thought it was a pretty rad idea and told my friends all about it.

Recently, when Scroguard appeared on the scene, folks who knew about my fantasy rushed to make sure I knew about it and, in a case of amazing timing, right in the middle of the deluge of “hey, have you seen this?!” messages there was a message from the lovely folks at Scroguard asking me if I wanted to check it out. I’m so into this concept so I kind of jumped at the chance.

So, what exactly is the Scroguard?

It is a new product designed to lessen skin-to-skin contact during sexual activity. The Scroguard is made of latex and designed to be worn in conjunction with an external condom.

Let’s just get this out of the way, it looks a bit funny. The internet has exploded in snark and criticism based on this alone (which I hate and has spawned an entire post of its own- coming soon!) and I think this is keeping people from thinking about why this product is a good idea. I’m not going to try and sugar-coat it though, Scroguard looks kind of funny.

Ok, now that I acknowledged it, back to the product.

The Scroguard folks have put together this handy (admittedly kind of creepy) video to explain their product and it leaves no questions as to how it is intended to be used:

So, that’s the Scroguard! And I tried it.

First off when I looked at the package and saw the notice that stated something about (I’m out of town and the packaging is at home, I’m paraphrasing) how the product was not intended to prevent the transmission of STIs, I thought “isn’t that the whole intention?” and then I realized that condoms go through FDA approval to be able to make those claims. The notice seems to be a legal formality rather than change in stated product purpose. With that in mind (and a fluid-bonded partner) I forged ahead.

So, how did using it go?

Well, it wasn’t the seamless process the Scroguard people imagine, we definitely had the “yeah, so are we going to do this?” conversation and then my partner suited up. I won’t lie, he looked kind of absurd. We stopped and discussed the design (we’re geeks) which led to some good discussion of what exactly gets exposed to HPV and HSV that people don’t even realize (folks with vulvas, that would be places like the perineum and penis havers think about your scrotum or the part below your belly and above your penis), those places are definitely covered in the Scroguard. Then we added a condom (pause for added hilarity when we inadvertently used a colored condom -my partner was starting to look like a toy put together from found pieces of other toys) and we talked about how the company’s tip to add a cock ring is a good one because the opening does kind of flap open around the penis.

Then it was time to get sexy!

There was a lot of giggling, yes, but then we got past it and had, frankly, really amazing sex.

So, what’s my verdict?

Conceptually I like it. I LOVE this idea. I really think the impulse is solid, especially in the face of STIs transmitted via skin-to-skin contact. Execution-wise, I think that right now it still feels and looks a bit like a prototype. It reminded me a bit of working in the costume shop in college when someone would pin the paper pieces of a pattern to themselves and say “this is the idea of what I’m making” and we’d all go “Yes!!” or “Not so much…”

Once you accept that it’s there and carry on with your business Scroguard doesn’t interfere with intercourse. It would interfere in play where the wearer is on the receiving end of testicle or prostate stimulation.

We’ve covered that it looks a bit funny, but do we really think the first person to see a penis in a condom saw it and declared “That looks totally natural!”? Probably not, but we got used to it.

My fear right now is that this idea will die in the fires of closed-mindedness, stigma and snark.  Scroguard has joined the ranks of STI prevention products that the internet has looked at, said “That’s different, we hate it!” (alongside the FC2 internal condom and Unique condoms) and now it must go through the cycle of a  seemingly pre-set schedule in which everyone takes a turn to try to out-snark each other as they attempt to prove that they are the funniest (spoiler alert, the “writers” who do this usually aren’t that funny) without giving a moment’s thought to the possibility that they could be killing something good. My fear is that everyone will prioritize their crappy punchline over an actual conversation about why a product that functions like Scroguard is a good idea and how it could be better than this.

As we have established, I actually think Scroguard is a good idea. I think it could use some changes but could ultimately be a very useful product. Things that I would love to see changed:

1. Everything… but in a good way. Basically I would keep the idea and change it radically. The problem I see here is that Scroguard is trying to be unobtrusive (or maybe, at this juncture keeping costs down?) but the condom-y color (it’s like they are trying to present it as simply a continuation of the condom) and the covering-just-what-it-has-to cut contribute to the silly feeling. I say make the thing in colors and make it look more like a pair of briefs. Will it feel more like staying dressed during sex? Yes but right now it’s like Scroguard is trying to tell you you’re naked when you aren’t.
2. Stop making them out of latex. Nitrile, baby!! (says she who is not sure it’s possible to make things like this from nitrile) Why? Because right now this product is useless to those with latex allergies and limits your lube options.
3. The gendered wording on, well, everything. Not all men have penises, not everyone with a penis is a man. Also, the statement made in the FAQ page that “Despite the female condom being around for years, men are the ones who wear condoms. We created something that complemented that.” actually made me angry- I’m talking directly to you here Scroguard, that line makes you sound like douchey dude-bros who sat in a meeting and said “Yeah, chick condoms exist but, come on, dudes are the ones who wear condoms, because, penises. Do women even like sex?”
4. They keep saying it’s reusable and I know I live in Portland and I’m supposed to be super-into the environment and all… but I wish they’d stop telling me to reuse this thing.
5. OWN IT. Here’s the thing, some of my sexiest encounters have also been my most safety-aware ones. The ones where we used gloves and dams and condoms and ALL THE THINGS. This product is trying to be discreet and I think it can and should be overt. Safety can be sexy and part of what’s making this device so ripe for mockery is that right now it feels like it’s trying to say “Nothing to see here, just my beige sex diaper, NBD!” and no one’s buying it. Own that it’s there, own that you are offering people a way to protect themselves from infections that are an actual, established, well-documented risk. OWN IT, Scroguard!

Sadly, the Scroguard has gone on to the great nightstand in the sky. I am glad I got to try it and am holding on to one for posterity. 

Thank you to Scroguard for sending me samples to try.

This product was provided to me free of change in exchange for my honest review. My review policy is simple: I will never lie about liking a product if I don’t but when I do like something it’s hard to get me to shut up about it.