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Poll: The F**k-it List, Because No Way Am I the Only One Who Does This

Sometimes you meet folks and know that if the circumstances were right you’d nail them. Enter the sexual bucket list

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Last summer when what had been billed as “let’s meet up for drinks because we haven’t seen each other for years” ended with me in bed with someone who had previously been a friend of a friend/acquaintance/Facebook friend, I found myself having a terribly amusing conversation with my partner. A conversation entitled “Remember when we both saw this coming but pretended we didn’t?”

Finally I said “Well, to be fair, you were on my sexual bucket list” My partner paused and said “Wait, so, like a Fuck-It list?”

Yeah, pretty much.

I can’t be the only person who does this.

Okay, so you know how you meet people but maybe at the time someone is in a monogamous relationship or life is stressful or you only meet them in passing but you notice that under the right conditions you would totally have rampant sex with them so you mentally file that info away in a to-do list of sorts? Anyone?

When I became single again I definitely had a look at the Fuck-It List, as it were, to see if anyone on it was do-able, practically speaking. In the case of the partner at the beginning of this story- check! Facebook is terrific for this sort of thing  (yes, I just admitted that some of my Facebook friends are on my Fuck-It List) and I take the existence of Down Dating (formerly Bang With Friends) as an indication that I’m not the only one thinking this way.

If nothing else I know the awesome Reid Mihalko engages in the practice and he aims high!

So, what do we think folks, are sexual bucket lists a thing for anyone else? Fuck-It List, yay or nay?

_Do you have a F**k-it List?PS-  It has come to my attention that the term “F**k-It List” is sometimes used to mean something completely different. Like here. I say, f**k it, my use is better.


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About JoEllen

JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken here at The Redhead Bedhead.

JoEllen has led workshops nationwide on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and dating as an introvert. She has toured sex shops, spoken at length on dildos, and even started a sex school but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex. Check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and her extensive writing on sex and depression.

JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit, and the Playground Conference

JoEllen’s first book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversation We Aren’t Having was published by Thorntree Press in March 2020. Her new book In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family was published by Thornapple Press in March 2023.

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