So, here we are in month 5 (FIVE!) of quarantine and I want to talk to you about something I’ve seen a bunch of folks struggling with online: the feeling that not having a lot of (or maybe any) sex right now is messing with their self image. Now, if this isn’t you, if you are one of those folks who is enjoying lots of boisterous quarantine sex, I see you, I know you are out there and, you know, maybe you just skip this post. Okay, now that they’re gone, let’s talk about who is having less sex, why, and what it ultimately means.
Who is struggling?
If you consider yourself a sex machine and this ⬆ is the hottest action happening in your bed these days, it’s okay. Really.
LOTS of people! Everyone from vanilla “keep it simple” sex lovers to rollicking sexual adventurers who routinely stock up on vats of lube and wholesale sex toys have experienced sex dips and for different reasons. Maybe it’s that you’ve been quarantining alone (or with someone you don’t have/want a sexual relationship with), maybe the stress of everything going on right now is getting to you and zapping your desire, maybe having your kids home all the time is cramping your sexual style, maybe you typically have sex as part of an active dating life; whatever the reason, a lot of folks are having less sex than usual.
Why is this a problem?
Now, having less sex in and of itself isn’t actually a problem. I’m not here to tell you how much sex you should be having or to demand you “fix” the fact that you are currently having less than you typically do, but if you are having less sex and that is really bothering you, let’s talk about that. First things first, let’s talk about why having less sex may be bothering us:
- Sex is nice, it makes sense to miss it!
- We have no idea when this pandemic will end and allow us to resume our “normal” lives
- Society is so weird about sex and a big piece of that weirdness is its tendency to make folks feel like their value as a human being is tied to the amount of sex they are having with more equaling better.
What can we do?
Now, those first two things… they kind of just are. It’s okay to miss the sex you enjoy and it’s understandable to be anxious about when the current extraordinary circumstances will change. These are just things we have to roll with for now. I’m sorry, I know that answer kind of sucks but I have a way better answer for point number 3!
When it comes to those tricky “I suck because I’m boning less now” feelings, remember, you are not how much sex you have. Your sexuality or how “sexual” you consider yourself doesn’t go out the window because your access to sex or level of desire has changed. People are funny, we like to compare ourselves to each other and then when we see folks online talking about how they and their partners are banging their way through quarantine, we feel even worse. But, you know what? When it comes to sex the only people affected by how much you are getting it on are you and your partners. I know it can be hard to look around the world and feel like your are “supposed to” be having more or less or whatever but you are not your sex. Sometimes we have a bunch sometimes we have none and it’s all good. Whatever you need right now it what’s “right.”
That doesn’t help! I miss sex!
If that doesn’t help, if you still feel like you are “failing” because you aren’t getting it on, if you feel like your status as sexy person who has all the sexy sex is at risk in these strange socially distant times, or if you just REALLY miss sex, don’t be afraid to explore a sex life that looks a bit different than what you are used to. Whether that is doing all the necessary quarantining before and after so you can meet up with someone for a full-on sex-filled romp, finding someone (or several someones) that you trust to engage in some pandemic-safe Zoom (or Skype, or whatever) sexy time with, devoting time to your own self-pleasure practice (that was a fancy way to say “masturbation”), or really anything that feels good and scratches that itch for you, do it! It can be hard when life is weird and stressful, as it has been for months now, to prioritize our pleasure, to take care of ourselves, and even just to keep from panicking when life looks different but, remember, you are still you and no fluctuations in sexual activity can change that.
This post contains a sponsored link. The opinions in it are, as always, my own.
