I just got my 2nd message from my online dating site telling me that I was almost out of storage and had to erase messages. I started hacking away at my inbox and was most of the way through and when I thought “Man do I wish the readers could see this!” Then I realized that you could! By this time I had deleted a lot of funny stuff but I remembered that I still had the alert emails in my regular inbox and thus could show you some of the shorter ones. I’ve put together this ridiculous message hall of fame for your enjoyment. Here were my requirements:
1. These were all the first things these gentlemen sent me. There was no communication prior to these messages.
2. I tried to not reiterate the themes from the Not Ok, Cupid, Not Ok! post so I omitted the requests for/offers of pics and the measurements.
Without further ado, here are some of my online dating greatest hits. Enjoy!
A plan is always nice. Is it weird that the thing that bugs me the most about this one is the grammar?
No, I am here. On this website. The one you are writing to me on. And again, grammar. Well, punctuation actually, but you know…
When I read this one I immediately got that Aaliyah song stuck in my head. Funny thing about that is that song and this gentleman both entered the world in 1994. I am an entire high school student older than this dude. But he’s cool with keeping it casual, so that’s nice.
Oh, awesome. Let me remove these troublesome panties immediately then.
I imagine this gentleman reading my profile, sitting at his computer with a Justin Bieber poster overhead.
When you plan out a date, it’s always nice to ask for your companion’s input. Do we think the excessive use of the letter “m” is supposed to suggest a stronger orgasm?
I’m not sure which threesome he’s referring to. I went and looked to see if I had put anything on this site that would have led to this comment… nope. But apparently if I want to indulge in some group sex, this guy wants a call.
If I had to pick just one issue with this one I would focus on the fact that the gentleman who sent it seems to live 400 miles away from me. That’s a long way to “hang and blaze”
Funny story, I had just kicked a puppy when I opened this one*
Sure, why not jump right to the conversation we’d have after 40 years of marriage?
I’ve told you an awful lot about the folks who’ve sent me bad stuff- I can’t help it, the comedy potential is endless! I have, however, been having an awesome time and met some great people. I promise to tell you about some of that in the near future.In the meantime though, the laughs are good ;-).
*I would never actually kick a puppy. I swear my dog gave me a dirty look just for typing that.
