Sex and Depression
Over the years I’ve written about a lot of sex-related topics but sex and depression is the one that is closest to my heart. Since 2012 I’ve been exploring the impact depression and its treatment can have on sexual function and relationships and something I noticed early on was that an issue that loomed as large as the impact of depression itself was the silence surrounding the issue. The intersection of two taboo topics, sex and depression seemed to be something a lot of people would prefer not to discuss, leaving the people affected by it feeling lonely, unheard, and hopeless. In 2014 I started researching the topic in earnest, launching a first-of-its-kind survey to gather information, ask questions and give voice to an issue that affects so many people.
I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am a writer and sex educator and I am committed to challenging stigma, offering resources, and helping folks feel seen, heard, and supported.
On this page you will find links to all of my sex and mental health-related content: Articles, podcast appearances, panel discussions, tips on writing about the topic, quotes and references in the media, even some of my favorite resources. You can use the links below to jump right to the section that interests you or scroll down to see everything!
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Resources ★ Get JoEllen’s Books
Articles
When a Sex Writer Doesn’t Want to Have Sex or Write
When I found myself with little interest in sex and writing, I thought of friends and colleagues who I know have felt the same. I remembered listening to some of them talk about their fear that if anyone knew they would be judged harshly and I decided to test that theory. Honestly, though, I wrote this one so that, should any of you find yourself feeling like I’ve felt, you will know you are not alone.
When You’re Depressed and Doctors Aren’t Great, What Do You Do? – OC87 Recovery Diaries
A piece I wrote in the hopes of helping others feel empowered to take control of their medical care that ended up being exactly what I needed to hear.
Okay, So Let’s Talk About Exercise & Depression
A wave of articles claiming that “exercise CURES depression hit in early 2019, so I decided we should talk about it.
Sex and Depression: A Sex Educator Explores Her Own Diagnosis – OC87 Recovery Diaries
After years of writing about the subject of depression I, for the first time since 2012, wrote in detail about my own experience with it.
4 things we really need to stop saying (and believing) about depression and sex – Metro
It’s hard enough to navigate depression and maintain a sex life, add ridiculous (and way too frequently repeated) misconceptions to the situation and it can feel impossible. Let’s stop with that, shall we?
What people with depression want their doctors to know about sex – Metro
Sharing some quotes from my interviews, I looked at what some people with depression think their doctors need to know when it comes to sex.
Meds causing sexual side effects? These products could help – Metro
I’m revisiting the topic of ways you can work around sexual side effects- and stuff that can help. This one was for MetroUK so all my recommendations are available outside of the US.
Why trying to solve your partner’s problem is a terrible idea (and what to do instead) – Metro
It can be hard to know how to support our partners and tempting to got into “fix-it” mode. Here’s why you don’t want to do that and what to do instead.
How to cope when your partner has depression – BBC
On World Health Day I hopped over to the BBC to talk to partners about navigating depression, finding support, and how you may be helping even if you don’t realize it.
Adult Toys & Products For Navigating Sexual Side Effects – Peepshow Toys
Sometimes medications affect our sexual function. If you want to have your meds and your pleasure too there are things you can try to outsmart the side effects and get back to getting down.
6 Ways To Make Your World More Mental Illness Friendly
Our world can be brutal when you’ve got a mental illness but there are some things we can all do to make it a bit less challenging for people who are struggling.
All The Times I Should Have Left My Terrible Therapist
I saw a terrible therapist for YEARS, ignoring multiple cues that it was time to go. Want to avoid my fate? I want that for you too, read on!
5 Steps To Take When Your Partner Is Dealing With Depression
When your partner is dealing with depression it can be hard to know what to do. These 5 steps that can help it make a bit more sense.
Let’s Talk About Sex And Depression – Bitch Media
I talk women, sex, depression & my first-of-its-kind survey for Bitch Media.
Another shooting another debate about the mentally ill. Today I want to take the image of mental illness back from the guys with the guns.
Calling People “Crazy” is Lazy, Do This Instead!
When people do horrible things there’s often a rush to label them “crazy”. Here’s why that’s a problem and how to still bitch about them without doing it.
Self Care For When You’re Feeling Not At All Sexy
When we feel gross it can be hard to treat ourselves well. I’ve got some strategies
What Exactly Are Sexual Side Effects Anyway? – Kinkly.com
We hear a lot about the “sexual side effects” of antidepressants, but what does that mean? I lay it out.
Sex When You’re Depressed- Don’t “Just Do It”
It’s awesome that more people are talking about depression- it’s less awesome that I keep seeing articles telling people with depression & low libido to “just do it”. I offered a different perspective.
5 Ways to Stay Sex Positive When You’re Dealing With Depression
Sometimes depression can suck the sexy right out of you which can be even more depressing. I have some ideas for dealing with that.
It’s Not You: 4 Signs Your Partner’s Too Depressed to Have Sex– Kinkly.com
The relationship between sex and depression is a topic that is close to my heart- This piece showed that a lot of folks feel the same way.
The sex and depression piece that started it all. After I talked about my sexual side effects, a lot of people started talking to me about theirs.
Podcasts
The Dildorks | Mental Help
March 14, 2023
Depression can put a strain on relationships, but it doesn’t have to! This week we’re talking to our friend JoEllen Notte, an author and mental health advocate, about her new book In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends & Family.
Speaking of Sex | Navigating Depression In Intimate Relationships
March 10, 2023
JoEllen Notte, author of In It Together : Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family joins us to discuss how we can all show up more fully for the people in our lives who are living with depression. We ALL know someone who struggles with depression, and in this podcast episode we explore how we can love one another more fully while steering clear of the resentment, guilt and shame that can damage our most intimate relationships.
Sex and Psychology Podcast | Dating with Depression – Relationships and Mental Health
January 10, 2023
Relationships are hard. But they can be especially hard when you or a partner are dealing with depression. In this episode, we’re going to explore how mental health issues like depression can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them, including how to be a supportive partner when you’re with someone who is depressed.
The Bed Post Podcast | JoEllen Notte
December 4, 2022
This episode, Erin chats with writer JoEllen Notte about sex and depression.
Brought to you By: The Sonar Network https://thesonarnetwork.com/
Sex and Psychology Podcast | The Complicated Link Between Depression and Sex
December 2, 2022
It is well known that depression (and certain drug treatments for depression, notably SSRIs) can lower sexual interest, desire, and activity levels. However, it turns out that the story of how depression and sex are connected is more complicated than this. Depression is one of those things that can affect different people in very different ways. In fact, research actually finds that depression has the potential to both increase and decrease sexual desire and behavior. So how do we explain this pattern of results? Let’s talk about it.
The Peer Project Episode 1 | Sex & Depression with JoEllen Notte
April 5, 2022
Host Chris Duke talks with Sex Writer and author of the amazing Monster Under the Bed Book JoEllen Notte about her mental health journey and how she discovered a link between depression and sex.
Wild & Sublime #S2E40 | Sex And Depression With Author JoEllen Notte
September 16, 2021
Karen interviews sex writer JoEllen Notte on sex and depression: how to talk to your doc about sexual side effects of antidepressants, ways to approach a partner experiencing depression, and new approaches to sexuality.
Depression and Sex with JoEllen Notte
August 5, 2021
JoEllen Notte joins Wendy to talk about the intricacies of being in a relationship and having depression as well as how to show up for a partner with depression. JoEllen Notte is a writer and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Notte recently released The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having.
Monster Under The Bed – Depression and Sex: An Interview With Author JoEllen Notte
February 21, 2021
In this episode Jayson talks with JoEllen Notte, author of The Monster Under The Bed, Sex Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having.
How Can You Best Navigate Relationships With Depressed People?
February 5, 2021
Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson chat with sex educator, author, & mental health advocate, JoEllen Notte! dives into the best ways to communicate and experiment with a sexual partner who is depressed, how to coax back sexual pleasure when experiencing the side effects of anti-depressants, the ingenuity of the Hitachi magic wand, and so much more! Use this link to hear this episode on Luminary with a FREE 30 day trial!
Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having with JoEllen Notte
February 2, 2021
Cyndi Darnell speaks with JoEllen about the intersection of sex, relationships and depression, JoEllen’s book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having, and more!
Echoes From The Void – 139: In Conversation with JoEllen Notte
January 28, 2021
Host Kevin Scott speaks with JoEllen Notte about her new book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having, as well as why she wrote it and the void it fills.
Savage Lovecast- Episode 706: Depressed AND horny???
May 05, 2020
Dan chats with JoEllen Notte, author of The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having about being an introvert during the pandemic, and how it IS possible to be both horny and depressed.
Unscrewed: Under Pressure
April 28, 2020
Depressed lately? Anxiety spiking? Is your mental health (or your partner’s) fucking with your sex life? JoEllen Notte wrote a book for you, and she’s here with Jaclyn to help.
Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra 301: Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte
April 19, 2020
JoEllen Notte is here to help us explore depression, relationships, and how depression and mental health can impact sex and desire, plus connecting during a pandemic.
Girl Boner Radio- Sex, Depression and Relationships
April 01, 2020
JoEllen Notte, author of The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having, joins August to explore her personal journey and research regarding sex and depression, related myths and more.
Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino – JoEllen Notte on Sex, Depression, and the Conversations Were Not Having
March 20, 2020
Author and researcher JoEllen Notte joins us today to talk about her new book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having.
The Dildorks- Depression Transgression
March 03, 2020
Kate and Bex chat with writer and mental health advocate JoEllen Notte about her incredibly helpful soon-to-launch book on sex and depression, The Monster Under the Bed!
Running Wild with Christine- Episode 40: On Depression and Sex, with JoEllen Notte
January 11, 2019
Christine and JoEllen cover moving across the country to soothe a broken heart, resentment as relationship cancer, “empathy, strategy or distraction”, trends in the sex-positive movement, non-monogamy and lastly tools for how to deal with depression
Unscrewed- A Really Small Awkward Surprise Party
May 29, 2018
What’s the relationship between depression and sexuality? It’s more complicated (and hopeful! and fun!) than you might think, as sexual and mental health advocate JoEllen Notte explains.
Loving Without Boundaries- Episodes 73 & 74: JoEllen Notte, Educator and Mental Health Advocate Specializing in Sex and Depression
February 23, 2018
JoEllen and Kitty talk about mental health, nonmonogamy and a whole lot more in this TWO PART interview!
The Pageist Episode 076: JoEllen Notte
February 12, 2018
The Pageist talks with writer and mental health advocate, JoEllen Notte about depression and relationships.
Disability After Dark – My Depression is Separate From Me: An Interview with JoEllen Notte
November 5, 2017
In this episode, Andrew talks with JoEllen Notte; well known researcher, mental health advocate and writer about the linkages between sex, depression and disability. They talk about how she manages her depression, whether or not she believes depression is a disability, and so much more.
Brown Chicken Brown Cow- Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte
August 28, 2017
In this episode, Monkey and HethreBeth interview JoEllen Notte. JoEllen is a noted writer, speaker, researcher, and mental health advocate. We talk about the intersection of mental health and sexuality. It is a good conversation about a serious subject but if you or someone you know and love manages their mental health this episode and can give you and them tools to think about mental health and sexuality in a new way.
Stereo
-Typed – Sex, Depression and Relationships
February 22, 2017
JoEllen Notte joins Camille to discuss her research into the intersection of these two stigmatised topics. Discussion includes:
- What effects can depression have on someone’s sex life?
- What the hell are “sexual side effects” when it comes to antidepressants?
- Why doesn’t the medical and pharmaceutical community see this as a “quality of life issue”?
Sex Out Loud- Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having feat. JoEllen Notte
January 13, 2017
JoEllen discusses the impact of depression and its treatments on sexual function and relationships. She also discusses her original research and offers tips and strategies for navigating relationships when depression is part of the equation.
Sex on the Brain- Sex & Depression
January 12, 2017
JoEllen Notte dives into her research on depression and how mental illness and medication can impact our sex lives and our relationships. She also debunks depression myths, offers important advice for partners of people living with depression, and emphasizes how none of us are broken.
This week on Sex City
August 9, 2016
“Cordelia has the pleasure of interviewing JoEllen Notte. Since 2014 JoEllen’s been doing extensive research on sex and depression. She’s just finished presenting at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I’m looking forward to chatting with her.”
Between the Sheets with Lora Somoza- “Sex & Depression”
March 21, 2016
This week on Between the Sheets with Lora Somoza: We’re having a frank discussion about Sex and Depression. What are the signs? How can you help yourself or your partner? What are the common pitfalls and misconceptions? Tune in for the answers. You never know when you or a loved one may need them. Sex educator JoEllen Notte and comedian Adam Carl join Lora for a very informative conversation.
Pleasure Mechanics Speaking of Sex- Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte
January 29, 2016
Millions of people struggle with chronic depression – and all of them have a sexuality. Yet the relationship between sex and depression is rarely discussed. On this podcast episode, JoEllen Notte shares her wisdom about sex and depression.
Sex Nerd Sandra- SEX & DEPRESSION WITH THE REDHEAD BEDHEAD!
March 29, 2015
CONFESSIONS, LIBIDO & GENITALS! Sandra comes clean with pal Rachael for support. Then, JoEllen Notte, a.k.a. The Redhead Bedhead, shares findings about this invisible illness and how it intersects with sex as she prepares to write her upcoming book “Monster Under the Bed.”
Raw Sex Radio- Redhead Bedhead: Sex and Depression
August 29, 2014
JoEllen talks about the impact depression can have on one’s sex life (and some fun toys stuff too!) with the Raw Sex crew.
Video
JoEllen and Kevin Scott talk about The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having and the void it fills.
JoEllen and Dawn Serra talk sex and mental health for the 2020 Explore More Summit
Sex and Depression 6-Video Series on Kink Academy
JoEllen worked with Kink Academy to create whole series devoted to sex and depression
Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte
JoEllen talks with Bianca Palmisano as part of Intimate Health Consulting’s 2017 Sex Ed-vent Calendar
Writing Tips
An Open Letter to Folks in the Sex & Depression Conversation
Crista Anne and I take on a problematic practice in the sex and depression conversation.
5 Tips For Writing About Sex & Depression
Sex and depression went viral and I shared some thoughts about writing on the topic responsibly.
In the media
1/31/19 NYLON | Let’s Talk About (Depressed) Sex
5/15/18 PLAYBOY | The Science Behind Sex, Antidepressants And Orgasms
10/7/17 DEBATE | The Monster Under The Bed
9/19/17 SEX CITY RADIO | Empathetic Sex Ed, Depression, Comedy and Swag!
8/5/16 VICE | A Sex Educator Is Finally Getting People Talking About Depression and Sex
7/11/16 TORONTO SUN | I’m Depressed, But I still have a sexuality
1/1/16 LEAFLY | How Does Depression Impact Your Sex Life, and Can Cannabis Help?
9/25/15 THE DAILY NEBRASKAN | Link Between Sex and Depression Is Stronger Than Some May Think
1/29/15 KIROO | Sex & Depression: You are not alone
Resources
These are some of my favorite resources for getting partners on the same page and for feeling less alone when dealing with depression.
How To Help Someone With Depression by Steven Skoczen – In my opinion this is possibly the best piece written on this topic to date.
But You Don’t Look Sick– The home of Spoon Theory, my favorite tool for communication about the physical/mental/emotional limitations that come with chronic illnesses, injuries, and disabilities.
Depression Quest– A video game designed to recreate the depression experience. It sounds terrible but is actually a phenomenal resource for partners of people dealing with depression.
Hyperbole and a Half – Comics that discuss the depression experience openly and honestly.
Robot Hugs– More comics. Shorter pieces that break down individual parts of the depression experience. Great for “this is what’s happening RIGHT NOW” explanation.
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.
If you want to understand how and why depression affects sexual function, learn about the science of sex. Not specifically depression-related, this wonderfully thorough and delightfully accessible book is a must read for anyone who wants a better understanding of sex.
Get it here:
Bookshop.org
Sex For Smart People– Episode 27: Get Rid of the Idea That Sex Can Be Easy
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