“You must be done with your book by now!”
“When is the book coming out?”
“So, where is this book?”
Now that I am YEARS into the process of writing a book, these are the kinds of things I hear a lot. So, I figured now would be a good time to talk about the book. Where I am with it, what this process has been like, and basically life as a person coping with anxiety and depression who opted to make her first book research-heavy, about two topics that cause people to panic (and consequently not think the book would sell- a point I disagree with wholeheartedly) and, according to much of the world, niche.
If you had told me back when I launched my first survey in 2014 that I would still be working on this book now, I’m pretty sure I either would not have believed you or maybe would have even backed away from the project entirely. Let’s be honest, writing a book (any book) is HARD, it’s a lot of work — I feel like we don’t say that enough– add other factors to that, yeah, it could end up taking a while.
So, what’s the hold up?
- Panic– I occasionally panic about this book and then freeze and nothing happens. I have hit two huge panic-induced freezes this year and they keep jockeying for position as “reason I’m not writing”. The hilarious part? They are basically two sides of one issue. One is a publisher who sought me out and expressed interest in the book while the other is a publisher who rejected the book. I’m not sure if the publisher who is interested is right for the book and I thought the one who rejected it would have been perfect. Both situations led me to panic. Additionally, there’s the general “will anyone read this?” “will everyone figure out that I have no idea what I’m talking about?” (imposter syndrome is a bitch) and “what if no one ever wants to publish this and it ends up an obscure vanity publication that helps no one beyond letting me see my name on the cover of a book?”
- Health– I’m so bored/tired/frustrated with talking constantly about my own health issues but they have made this project even more daunting than writing a book already is. I recently got a new doctor and a new therapist so I’m hoping we’re about to turn a corner (cross your fingers!) but in the meantime trying to write this book while my brain and body have been struggling so hard just to function has been a bit like trying to take a road trip with the parking brake on. Can it be done? Yes but it takes way longer and is brutal on your car.
- Financial Reality– This one has layers. There’s the part where writing a book requires you to do a lot of work in the hope that maybe, eventually you will get paid at all and as someone with anxiety issues and a fair amount of guilt around all things money, I struggle with devoting time to something that won’t help pay the rent any time soon and may not do it ever. Then there’s the part where literally EVERYONE I talk to about the book feels compelled to tell me that I will make no money from it. Now, I’m not clueless, I know that books do not equal giant checks. I’ve seen my friends with published books make little to no money from them. I’m not entertaining fantasies of turning into Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone once I land a publisher. That said, having people point out over and over the financial futility of this endeavor is disheartening at best.
All that said the book is (slowly but surely) coming along. 6 of the 8 chapters (which I think will ultimately be further broken up because 2 of the chapters are ENORMOUS) are written and over the summer I even created a proposal for agents and publishers (and, if I do say so myself, it’s good!). In short, it’s getting there.
How can we make it happen faster?
I’m so glad you asked!
First of all, thank you all so much for being so supportive and encouraging about this project over the last four years. Knowing the response the book is already provoking in both people and retailers has been a huge source of strength and has really helped keep me going. With that in mind, my anxiety brain tells me things like “you are taking too long to write this and that goodwill is drying up” so, seriously, if you could keep hanging in there with me, that would be HUGE.
Additionally, consider supporting my Patreon. Being financially supported in this endeavor enables me to devote less time to side hustles and more time to actually writing the book, which will allow me to get there faster. Additionally, a huge bonus for patrons is that they are actually ALREADY READING THE BOOK! That’s right, all of my patrons get to read previews of the book every Monday morning! Usually about 500 words, these sections are sometimes brand new material and sometimes they are polished versions of ideas I’ve tried out before. It’s a fun way to access the book material and watch the making of a book all while supporting the project and now that the Patreon has existed for over a year and a half, there are A LOT of them. Here’s what one of those previews looks like:
The Monster Under The Bed Preview: Practical Sexual Solutions or “The Part Where I Talk About a 50-Year Old TV Movie”
Hey folks!
I hope this finds you well! Last night I did a reading Powell’s bookstore and got to speak about consent, mental illness, relationships and more. It was fun but, you know, now I’m ready to not speak for a day or two.
Anyway, today I’m sharing one of my FAVORITE recent additions to the book. The new intro to one of the sections of chapter 7. A while back I was reading a book by a former FBI agent. In it he described an old TV movie and I became kind of fascinated with it. Why? It illustrates the kind of creative problem-solving that I think really benefits the sex and depression conversation. Anyway, you’ll see what I mean in a second.
Enjoy!
On December 13, 1966 aired a television-disaster film called The Doomsday Flight. Written by Rod Serling and starring Ed Asner, it is the story of a west-bound US commercial airline flight that falls victim to a bomb threat. The bomb is revealed to be pressure-sensitive and thus set to explode if the plane descends below 4,000 feet. (Does this sound familiar? This is pretty much the plot Speed would go on to use almost 30 years later subbing in MPH for altitude) After physically tearing apart several parts of the plane in an unsuccessful bid to locate the bomb, the captain is faced with the threat of a fuel shortage. The flight was facing certain doom. So, what did the captain do? (50-year-old spoiler alert!)
He landed the plane in Denver.
Why? With its altitude of 5,430 feet, it was the perfect loophole! A place to land that didn’t activate the bomb.
Now, onto what I imagine is your bigger question at this moment: Why are we talking about a 50 year-old made-for-tv movie right now? When depression and its treatment hits our sex lives some incredibly common responses are to try to get rid of the root of the problem. To try to wait it our (“things will be better once I’m back to normal!”), to treat it like there is NO WAY to have a healthy sex life until it is gone (the depression = no sex argument), to run right out and change/quit our meds (even if they work well otherwise), etc. This is understandable, I think most of us would love to solve our issues by not having depression anymore. The thing is we sometimes tear ourselves apart trying to get rid of the “bomb” when what we really need to do is find our Denver Airport.
My point is don’t dismiss the option of happy healthy sexuality right now if you want it. In this section we’ll look at some options that I recommend for helping to make sex meet you where you are right now.
