UPDATE: I have added signed copies of my book to this page for easy one-stop shopping!

After talking about doing this for YEARS, my big sex yard sale is finally here! Basically I am cleaning out my massive collection of sex toys and products and that means you can score some great deals on really fun stuff! I anticipate you might have some questions so I’ve put together the section below with everything you need to know before you shop!

Stuff you should know:

First things first: I CAN ONLY SHIP TO THE CONTINENTAL US. Sorry for yelling but apparently this wasn’t clear enough when I first published the page.

How “used” are these items? Some of these items were used once and then cleaned. Many were never used at all. Some were never even opened at all. Some are open but complete with all their original packaging because I got them, opened them, and then put them away. Others have no packaging because I thought I would use them and then didn’t (or used them as part of my attractive toy displays). Only things I know 100% for sure I never used (honestly, so many toys come into my house that I do lose track of what was used) are labeled UNUSED. Everything available here (with the exception of the Liberator cushion which has been washed and the lubes and oils which are all sealed) is made with nonporous materials and thus completely sanitizable.

I have checked all the motorized toys to ensure they still charge and work as they should.

All that said, if the thought of buying secondhand sex toys skeeves you out, this is not the sale for you.

Where is everything? The sale contains multiple sections which you can navigate to by clicking on the titles below. You can also just scroll through the whole page to make sure you don’t miss anything.

How did you figure out pricing? Most everything is at least 50% off its retail price with lots of stuff being significantly more discounted. For unused, very cool, or typically expensive items the prices are a bit higher, going up to $55. For smaller, older, unpackaged, or typically less expensive items the prices are lower, going as low as $7.

Did you write all of the descriptions? I did not write the descriptions for these items. The descriptions are 100% yoinked from the product listings and I posted them with minor edits and occasional commentary.

What do I get with this toy? Items that say “ORIGINAL PACKAGING” come with everything you would have gotten if you bought the toy in the store. Other items say things like “TOY ONLY” or “TOY, CHARGER, AND STORAGE BAG ONLY”. Some of the unpackaged toys still have their manuals and that is noted in the description. Also, if you buy early you may get some bonus sexy swag free with your purchase.

What color is the toy? Unless otherwise specified, the available product is the same color as the image displayed.

How much is shipping?: Shipping is $5 for the first item and $2 for each additional item. Shipping costs will be added automatically.

You can ship to Alaska/Canada/England/The Netherlands/Australia/Tanzania, right?: No. Again, I can only ship to the continental United States. Apologies to the rest of the world.

Will my package ship right away? TBH, no. In order to maintain my sanity, I will be sending out groups of packages approximately once a week while this sale lasts.

Can I get a discount?: Absolutely! A 10% discount will automatically be applied to any purchases over $100.

Where’s the shopping cart?: The shopping cart is at the bottom of the page. When you add an item the page will refresh and you can see your item in the cart by scrolling down (if you get to an ad for my book, you have scrolled too far)

Okay, now that all of that is out of the way, let’s get down to it (but please remember, I CAN ONLY SHIP TO THE CONTINENTAL US)!