Truth be told, I had planned to keep it light for the first post but the world disagreed so, here we go.
Perusing the news this morning I was greeted with the story of a 17-year old who is being charged and threatened with jail time for naming her attackers after a sexual assault in Kentucky (Update: The attorneys for the rapists have since dropped the motion against the teen amid public outcry- aka the story got online and the internet went batshit insane) and then I saw this which (a little too enthusiastically) let me know that “The ‘war on contraception’ is back!” (seriously, this is the headline. Like the battle for accessible women’s healthcare is a new season of American Idol). All I could think was “Why do they hate us so much?” I don’t even know who the “they” is specifically but increasingly as a woman I get the feeling that there are a whole lot of folks gunning for my team.
So weird- I was just wearing panties and a blazer at brunch today!
But what ho! I walked into my local convenience store to grab some coffee and came face to…well boobs with a whole array of scantily clad, mouth slightly agape, glistening women. Really, to one who had never seen a magazine rack, it could be mistaken for a shrine to women you would swear, based on this display that we just love the hell out of women here on earth. The pictures are beautiful in the way we tell women they should be: thin, with large breasts and long legs, almost exclusively white, smiling or else looking “seductive”, long flowing hair all bed-tousled and, the kicker, as pictures they don’t make demands or get all persnickety about things like consent or rights. One is left to wonder what would happen if Miss August leapt from the pages and started talking about reproductive freedom. That’s the crux of the issue isn’t it- women can be loved if they are ideal and beautiful and don’t think, speak or act on their own.
The messages American women get bombarded with amount to”be pretty and shut the hell up”, “be sexy but not actively sexual”, “be here for our amusement and don’t ask for anything back”, “be passive and agreeable and don’t expect us to trust you at all”. Really it’s that last one that has weighed the heaviest on my mind today because, for me at least, passivity is not something I had recognized as part of the problem. Today I realized it may be the bulk of the problem.
When parents teach daughters not to “rock the boat” from a young age, by adulthood it’s an automatic response. Now you have women who keep quiet rather than speak up, wait to be chosen by a partner rather than look for someone worthy of them, don’t express their needs (sexual and otherwise) while catering to those of others and stay home on voting days while politicians play God with their reproductive health. For far too many women this is status quo and for some men they would like to keep it that way. Step out of line, like the young lady in Kentucky, and someone is ready to smack you right back down. Try to make informed decisions about your health and body an all-male panel will be brought in to discuss how to best regulate the situation.
So, what to do? Let’s talk in terms of sexual and reproductive health: starting with the basics on the small scale, in your home, in your life get educated and informed so that you know about your body and how to stay healthy and safe ( check out the Sexual Health Resources page) and then learn what feels good for you and what you are comfortable with and gain confidence (Continuing Sex Ed can help) and then stay abreast of reproductive rights issues as they play out across the country (Planned Parenthood usually features stories on their page -so easy!) so you can write letters, support causes and harness the power of the second most important “V” you’ve got- your vote.
So, as Mr. Marley said, let’s Get up, Stand up- take an active role in our lives. Stand up for the sex we want, the healthcare we need and the respect we deserve.
In case you need a little inspiration:
Addendum: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the book that had me primed to go in this direction. Over the weekend I read “The Purity Myth” by Jessica Valenti and it really rocked my world. I highly recommend it to women and the people who share the earth with them.
The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women
by Jessica Valenti
Jessica Valenti navigates abstinence-only education, purity balls, porn, rape and abortion legislation to illustrate how our society has so little regard for women that it tells them their value lies entirely in their sexuality… which they are not trusted to control in any way shape or form.
