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The Redhead Bedhead: Sex Educator JoEllen Notte
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3 Ways To Use The Internet As Your Sexual Communication Wingman

I recently talked to my partner about how, once you’ve lived in sex positive world for a while, you start to forget that not everyone is comfortable talking openly about sex all the time. Sexual communication can be scary. In a perfect world we’d all feel completely comfortable expressing our sexual desires to our partners but in the real world many folks still find saying the words challenging.

need-help

If you are thinking about trying some new things but feeling a bit self-conscious about bringing them up to your partner I encourage you to let the internet be your wingman! There you will find a bevy of resources for learning about the stuff that turns you on and those resources make communicating your desires to your partner as easy as clicking “share”!

Here are three of my favorite ways to use the internet as your sexual communication wingman.

Share your favorite porn

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Internet porn is like Pinterest for sex! You pick stuff out, get excited to try it, make elaborate plans,  and it often looks nothing like the picture, but you have so much fun trying! So start with a good source. For quality ethical porn, I recommend Bellesa Plus, which is pretty much the Netflix of Porn. There’s tons of stuff to see there, like the top content from 50+ premium porn channels, including Bellesa Originals TV Series and Movies such as Bellesa House (reality porn). From their selection of 100% ethically-sourced porn (unlimited 4K streaming!) and 600+ erotica stories you can pick out the videos, stories, and more that turn you on. Show them to your partner and you could be making new sexy game plans in no time!

not-subtle-flirting

Show them how it might work!

Sharing porn is one of my favorite modes of sexual communication because it makes whatever you are proposing concrete. Sometimes when we just hear an idea proposed in the abstract, it doesn’t quite click and, in the case of sex stuff that means we can’t see how something would be a turn on at all. When we share porn we get to see exactly what something looks like in action. This can make the journey from “huh?” to “uh huh!” a bit easier.

Send educational articles, videos, and more

These days the internet is home to a ton of smart, savvy sex writers and, consequently, just about any topic you can think of is bound to have been covered. Even if the mainstream media hasn’t covered it, it’s probably been blogged about, vlogged about, or even made into a comic strip (and I often recommend the blogs, vlogs, and comics over the other outlets!)! Bellesa Plus even offers interactive sex ed! Research whatever it is you are interested in and send a link or two to your partner. You might be surprised by how much you can both learn while you show them what you’re interested in trying!

bobs-omg

So much to learn!

Make a (sexy) wish list

Back in the day, shopping for sex toys and products required going to that one shop in your town (if it had one) and it might have been kind of seedy and the choices were limited. These days sex shopping has gone high tech with huge online inventories and even wish list capabilities! Pick your favorite shop and make a list of the things that strike your fancy. May I suggest BBoutique? It’s a by-women for-women platform, the #1 sex toy boutique on Google (over 35K+ reviews), and it has quickly become one of the leading online sex tech retailers in North America. Check out some of their faves like Pebble, Diskreet Vibe, or AirVibe. Once you’ve made you wishlist, share it with your partner and get the conversation started – better communication through shopping!

shopping

Improve your sexy world with shopping!

There you go folks, 3 ways to let the internet start the conversation for you and, ultimately, help you cultivate your own sexual communication skills. You might not always need a wingman but for now, the internet’s got your back!


This post was sponsored by Bellesa Plus. All opinions are my own.


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About JoEllen

JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken here at The Redhead Bedhead.

JoEllen has led workshops nationwide on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and dating as an introvert. She has toured sex shops, spoken at length on dildos, and even started a sex school but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex. Check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and her extensive writing on sex and depression.

JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit, and the Playground Conference

JoEllen’s first book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversation We Aren’t Having was published by Thorntree Press in March 2020. Her new book In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends, and Family was published by Thornapple Press in March 2023.

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