“Nothing is a bigger turn-on than having to go to CVS in the middle of the night” – No one to anyone, ever

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in the mostly naked “Shit! we don’t have a condom!” situation. Okay, put your hand down because I can’t see you and you look silly. My point is this has happened to just about everyone and it results in one of two things: 1. The awkward trip to CVS- when people talk about building anticipation, this is not what they mean. 2. Saying “screw it!” and proceeding without protection – do I even have to say why that’s an awful idea? Why not just be prepared? And when I say be prepared I’m not talking about that stuff shoved in the bottom of a drawer somewhere that results in lots of fumbling and awkwardness. I want you to have what you need, where you need it when you need it. Talking to friends I’ve found that a lot of folks equate the whole condoms and lube thing with lots of extra work in “the moment”. Also I’ve found that some of you are concerned about keeping this stuff out in the open lest people know you have sex.  Listen, I get it, I don’t deal well with things that are difficult and annoying and I want my living space to be pretty at all times. Today I’m going to give you some visuals on how I have made my bedroom an oasis of visually appealing, easily accessible safer sex.

My nightstand. Just hanging out, being pretty.

Same nightstand, when called into service.

So, what’s on the nightstand? 

The cute blue box holds an assortment of condoms. I’m currently conducting a “what condoms do I like the most?” experiment- it’s hard out here for a Bedhead. Apart from research though, having condoms on hand and having a variety side-steps any “I don’t have a condom” or “this condom is uncomfortable” nonsense (btw- don’t bone folks who pull that crap) Because it’s been about 6 seconds since I mentioned them I’ll now hand it over to the folks at Good Vibrations with their handy How to Choose a Condom guide. There’s also a small bottle of lube, which is of a different texture/viscosity than the large container of lube we will talk about in a minute.

Speaking of lube…Two things: 1. I want my lube to be as accessible as possible.  2. I want my lube to live on my nightstand in a manner that would not make me uncomfortable should my grandmother walk into the room (she’s been dead for years but. still, that’s my standard). To this end I am a huge fan of hand soap dispensers. The pump works fabulously in terms of ease, stay-put one-hand dispensing is awesome. While several products come in pumps many don’t and this is just prettier; mine gets mistaken for lotion by those who don’t closely examine it – basically I’m the Martha Stewart of lube. Just make sure that the tube that goes into the dispenser is thick enough to carry your lube, sometimes they aren’t and then it’s sad. Earlier I mentioned having a different lube on hand as well, it’s generally a good idea to have different kinds of lube on hand so as to be prepared for different activities. Because it’s a day ending in “y” I will now refer you to the Good Vibrations. Here’s their “How to Choose a Lubricant” tutorial.

What you aren’t seeing

So, the nightstand also has a drawer, which I’m not showing you. The drawer is important though because in addition to holding toys, it also holds toy cleaner, moist towelettes and Saran Wrap (they probably love that I used the brand name!) If you use this, make sure it’s not the microwaveable kind as that is porous. Note: If you’d rather not be treating your lover like last night’s meatloaf there’s an awesome assortment of dental dams, finger cots and latex gloves (I always think the black gloves are cool) out there. Check it out!

Taking your show on the road

Now,  sometimes we are away from home but we still want to be prepared- so, this is what is happening in the middle pocket of my bag. For those Saran wrap- appropriate activities know that you can cut a condom open so it’s like a big sheet of latex and still be safe on the road all MacGyver-style.

That’s it for today folks! What do you think? Did I forget anything? Do you have a favorite safer-sex preparedness tip to share? Let’s hear! Now, go forth in sexy safety!